Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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