Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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