i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize