Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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