I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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