i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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