Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize