I cockslap morals
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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