She is in my trunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
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Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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