I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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