Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize