had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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