Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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