I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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