trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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