I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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