If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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