I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize