Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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