at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me π
Too much dab too little lung dying π΅π΅π΅
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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