Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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