Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize