That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize