I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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