I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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