..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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