No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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