u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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