Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize