your room smells of hookers.
And success
he wants to bone in the snuggie
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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