1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Come on in and take your pants off
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