This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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