No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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