I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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