Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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