So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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