i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
