he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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