I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize