You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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