after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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