Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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