I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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