Screwed.edu
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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