Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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