I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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