god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
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she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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