I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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