Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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