He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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