forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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