She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize